she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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