well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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