It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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