I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
