You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
