I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
