I will die if light touches me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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