Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
