this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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