I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
