why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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