i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
