did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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