I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
