We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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