I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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