Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
