I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
