It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
