This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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