who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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