i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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