Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
