just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
