I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
