he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
there is puke in my bra ... again
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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