but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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