why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
