Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
