I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
