I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize