You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
