I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
