don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
