My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
