Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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