If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
