holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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