Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
