you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
