I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
