So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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