One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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