you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
