It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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