omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I need moral support for this bender
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
