there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize