My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
