cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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