at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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