There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Randomize
