I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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