Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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