I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
