That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
