New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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