so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
