Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
