From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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