Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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