pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
