she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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