So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
