His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
