i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All the doctor said was why
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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