My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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