You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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