a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
