the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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