She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
