Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry about my life...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
