There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
