why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
