Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
