god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
