i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
