Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
