ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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