Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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