I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Who died my cat blue again?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
