How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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