I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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