I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
