I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
