My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
