so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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