I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
