Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
