Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize