what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
