I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
