brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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